I have an easy-going temperament. From my earliest years, a person could hurt me, and as soon as they said they were sorry, I would let it go and act like it never happened. I thought that was a good thing. I didn't realize how abuse affects my central nervous system and how forgiving too quickly keeps it in a state of heightened tension. I also didn't realize I was handing an abuser a get-out-of-jail-free card every time I said it's okay.
It's when I learned about the cycle of abuse and saw the honeymoon stage that I realized why abusers look for people like me. They need people who will let incidents go because it permits them to continue the abuse.
I learned that I needed to hold others accountable. Otherwise, they would continue their conduct, and my nervous system would become so overwhelmed I would have crisis after crisis. For me, it wasn't something that put me in the hospital. But it was something that caused me to get IBS, migraines, and eventually, the shingles.
Are you an easy-going person who forgives easily? Have you been in a relationship where you've had to forgive often to save the relationship? Are you feeling overwhelmed or frustrated? Send me an email.